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How not to spoil the child


Desire love your child, to protect him from anxiety, to create a sense of security and the desire to constantly delight – it is the natural expression of the maternal instinct. In the first years of life the baby’s parents, both physically and psychologically, so mom and dad feel a great responsibility for everything that happens to him.

Often, however, love is inherent in man and woman by nature in relation to her child, becomes a dangerous border, and then mom and dad, consciously or not, begin to dominate the baby, and the baby turns into a little tyrant, exploiting the weaknesses of loved ones as a tool of manipulation over them. Overprotection and desire to fulfill all the whims of a child affects him negatively, so you must set some rules. and to demand from the child of their performance.

How to eliminate the blackmail

Almost everything we are sometimes violated certain rules: don’t go to work told the boss that you are sick, but actually just don’t want to go somewhere; we buy a bag of chips and a bottle of coke, even though I promised myself not to eat junk food; don’t brush our teeth before bedtime, because laziness and so on. Then why we say sharp «no» the request of the child with a chocolate bar on the way home or his desire to watch an interesting cartoon that started late?

Many parents will teach children to blackmail: “do Not behave well – not buy ice cream!”, “Not homework, not going with you to the zoo!”, “Don’t finish that soup is not going to play!”. And then wonder why the baby says: “Buy me a designer, then I’ll behave at grandma’s”, “Give me chocolate, and I will gather all the toys!”.

To avoid this from happening, you need to indulge a little kid. but avoid overindulgence. There is nothing wrong, if a kid today would finish a morning porridge, and tomorrow (later I will go to bed early cartoon that is on TV tonight. So the baby will feel that the parents are not despots and tyrants, and understanding people.

How to get rid of problems with falling asleep

Many parents strongly believe that their child does not fall asleep. if they will not be around him if the room will light the light or in bed if there is a favorite toy of the child. Actually it’s not just you consciously want to surround your baby with the utmost care, forgetting about their own desires. Actually kids of any age are willing to dialogue with them and you can always negotiate. Explain to your baby that you can’t sit with him, since he has to do household chores, or explain what can not yet turn off the light, as he is still needed. Find a compromise that will suit both of you.

Learn how to be alone

Some parents from the earliest years of life crumbs ready around the clock to spin around him, forgetting about all the other cases. Such moms and dads are included in any game of your baby, even if he was having a good time alone, always give advice, ask what he’s doing at the moment and simply do not give the baby to be with myself. Such parental behavior leads to the formation of the crumbs needs constant attention, and without mom and dad or TV, the kid just doesn’t know what to do – in the end, parents don’t have a moment’s peace, because they have to constantly amuse your baby. To avoid this from happening, you need to give your child the opportunity to show independence and not to distract him when he enthusiastically busy with something alone.

How to tell your child “no” in the store

Many parents can’t resist an ingratiating look the kid in the store when he begs her to at least buy a small can of lemonade, and then chocolate egg, and then another ice cream, a new toy and those are candy. Remember that the spoiling is manifested in the inability to refuse her baby. This does not mean that you never have to buy anything for the baby when he accompanies you to the store, just need to know the measure and be able to clearly explain to the child why now you can’t afford a new toy or a box of chocolates. You should not tell your child that sweets in large quantities is harmful to eat, he simply will not understand, it is better to explain to him that the money that you bring only enough for food, and the ice cream you buy at other times, well, the new machine is not needed, because the house already has ten.

How to teach your child the courtesy

The child who wants to get something from our parents or from someone from others, in any case, should not pronounce his request in a command tone: “Buy a machine!”, “Give me water!”, “Put the cubes in here!”. We should not react when the baby literally commands you to do something. It is important to teach kids to understand what “magic words”: thank you and please. When the little one will understand that a polite request is adults often respond with acceptance than rejection, of the word-helpers will occupy a permanent place in their vocabulary.

How to get rid of manipulation

Spoiled kids are accustomed to getting from their parents what they need in the moment, completely ignoring the fact that mom or dad can be busy with something else or for some reason can not fulfill the request. In reply to parent “can’t”, “no” or “not now” the child begins having hysterics, which can be stopped, only going on about it. The main mistake of the parents in this case – the desire to do anything, just to stop the crying and screaming. If from the beginning they have learned to deny your child, explaining to him, why cannot something be done in the moment, constant tantrums could be avoided.

Children are very well remember the reaction of the parents, and soon begin to skillfully manipulate adults: seeing that twice in a row in response to crying and screaming, they still bought a new toy or candy bar, children in the future start using. And parents who do not wish to waste time on explanations, just prefer to buy something that requires a kid, so he finally stopped crying.

That this did not happen, with the most need first months of baby’s life to talk with him and explain his actions. The more sincere the parents with the child, the more he will listen to their opinion and, therefore, less likelihood that baby will start to throw tantrums when things go contrary to his wishes. It is important to teach kids to appreciate what he already has, and gifts and small indulgences not to be perceived as a given, but only as a pleasant surprise.

Victoria Gritsuk

The result is not quite correct upbringing or adverse conditions in the period from 8 to 12 years the child can grow infantile. What is born of immaturity and at what age the child should begin to delegate responsibility for yourself, for your actions, so that he was not childish adults? Tells a practicing psychotherapist mark E. Sandomierz.

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