Divorce and children – the impact of divorce on children, how to help children coping with divorce
Teenagers are a special people, a special nation. They have their own interests and Hobbies, sometimes even their language, others were confusing. It would seem that the interests of a teenager? The festivities late, friends, clubs, loud parties… And parents always think that their nestlings had already fledged and really took off from the family nest into adulthood…
However, whatever the adults did not seem to your kids – they are still in great need of his family. If in the life of a teenager something is impossible, he is unlikely to go for advice to the parent (rebellious spirit!), but this does not mean that he does not want to do it! Invisible thin and ghostly thread linked each child has his home, with family. With mom and dad. With mom and dad. He has in life has its own problems: lack of implementation, unrequited love, first bitter encounter with betrayal. They can not be avoided. From them the child is in hiding at home, in a cozy family fortress, where all such family where mom loves dad and dad loves mom.
Most often, the divorce, the children also perceive it as a betrayal of those closest to you.
Children with divorced parents
Life is unpredictable, it sometimes puts us in a difficult situation to check out how quick we will be able to cope with them. So, it would seem that if two adults have lived side by side forever, they have a great kid and everything you need for a happy life — what they may lack? But after twenty years of marriage sometimes is something to think about. Sometimes these thoughts only strengthen your Union and sometimes destroy it with a crash, destroying everything you have created year after year. Quiet family evenings turn into a permanent raging sea of scandals and skirmishes, innuendo. You think that if the child is not present, he never learns? You probably forgot that he’s an adult. He sometimes enough of a look to realize that something is wrong. He can read in the eyes of beloved parents even what they cannot say to each other out loud…
“Divorce” — it is a sentence. Death sentence the family. And children when the parents divorce suffer the most. The ship, which a few years (or even decades!) ago came out in a happy voyage through the quiet harbours, was wrecked somewhere on the verge of happiness. And like it doesn’t matter what has become an underwater reef, which stumbled your family ship. Maybe he ran aground the home, collided with another ship by the name of “Treason” or caught in a storm with a sad title “no More love”. If your sinking ship can still be saved – save, save not looking! Because the child after the divorce for a long time will not be able to recover from inflicted injuries. But if you feel happier and freer in a tiny lifeboat – well, then so be it.
The impact of divorce on children
If a verdict of “Divorce” adopted parents unanimously, and save nothing, and does not work, you should try as gently and carefully to report your decision to the child. Because the child’s mind (and especially teenagers) so malleable and sensitive!
To reduce the impact of divorce on children, you need to fully protect it from conflicts in the family. Far-fetched smile and exchange “duty” of courtesies between mom and dad is sure to bring a teenager with suspicion. But to yell and accuse each other of something when Chad also should not – it will hurt him to see and hear. The best option – try to confront your emotions, to talk with the child together, directly, as with an adult. Just don’t need to talk, saying: “You are the father – go and talk to your son!”. Or Vice versa. Once a decision you made together, and report it together.
Probably no need to go into the fine details of what led to the divorce. However, without explanation, your child will not be released. And if kids can lie that dad (or mom?) – on a long business trip, and live with us until, with a grown child, this will not work. Well, decide in advance what he can tell, and what not. Try to be calm and reasonable, do not contradict each other – this can bring the boy out, and so tottering in the balance. Explain what a divorce will be good for both sides: how to change the lives of moms and dads that get better. Let the teenager will understand that divorce is not the end of all life, but just the beginning of a new cycle.
Don’t let yourself in the process of family quarrels and strife attempts by the child to form a negative attitude to one of the family members. Phrases in the style of “Dad betrayed us!” or “Mom doesn’t like you scared of?” is simply unacceptable. You risk causing your child has a nervous breakdown. And the soul of a teenager – the dark, who knows where this will all end? Suddenly run away from home… Or worse what…
Try to resolve all the “separation” moments without scandals and cries – let the already fading Union to peacefully disintegrate into atoms. The child will see that everything is quiet, smooth, Yes you will think: “maybe it’s better than eternal quarrels?”.
Of course, like soft and logical you are, for your child’s divorce will be a big blow. He will need a lot of time to come to our senses and realize that his life has come change. You just don’t throw it – help to survive this. Help together, let not as family, but as a loving mom and dad.
In your hands to make the divorce is not a sad finish to a happy life, and the beginning of a new and not less happy phase of her!